Why Go By Tube

Charlie Slade, the creator of the map explains:

“I was born and raised in Dorset, but now live in London.

One evening, during a particularly slow journey home on the Victoria line I wondered how big the Underground was, and therefore how big Greater London was. I couldn’t picture in my head the sort of an area it covered. I needed a familiar comparison to be able to visualise it.

This led me to do a bit of tinkering on Google Earth, overlaying London and Dorset. The result was the observation that the true scale of the London Underground would fit nicely inside the Dorset county boundaries.

Further and more time-consuming tinkering led to The Dorset Underground”.

Bridport

Bridport Tube StationTFL and The Mayor of London Boris Johnson jointly announce plans to add the South West town of Bridport to the Underground rail network.

In recent research it was discovered that considering 75% of westbound traffic in the lead-up to various weekends and school holidays throughout the year was destined for Bridport, the addition of Bridport to the network was a “no brainer”.

Notting Hill-On-Sea

tube-map bridportJohnson said “With Bridport known widely as ‘Notting Hill-On-Sea’ and the its infamous market the ‘Portabello of the South’ it only make sense that Londoners are able to gain access to this sea-side getaway with the use of their Oyster card. We’ll be keeping a close eye on the traffic reduction achieved by this project and if possible will aim to Narrow the M3 down to a single lane. This is a landmark project and I hope you’ll join myself, Londoners and the fortunate yet dwindling local population Bridport in celebrating this exciting new venture.”

Fat-Walleted, Boden-Clad

Local business owner Frank Whistle, who wishes to remain anonymous commented “It’s a brilliant idea. We’ve got all these empty houses lying about that need buying up and looking after by some fat-walleted, Boden-Clad Chelsea nuclear families. Will be good to see more and more local people just house sharing or living in make-shift “studios”, as really that’s what we all prefer. I’ve personally been waiting for years for prices to go up in all our shops because getting a good deal for local, sustainable produce is just unexciting really. Live on the edge of financial deprivation, that’s what I say!”

Badly Rinsed Bridport Genetics

Genetics and demographics expert Elkson-Von-Benderheim has concerns “There will be a risk that rather than the Bridport gene pool diversifying with this intravenous shot of culture from the capital, it is possible (based on promiscuity levels in Bridport) that deprived and badly rinsed Bridport genetics could spread back up the tube to London. I predict in less than 3 generations the entire population of Fulham could be strong-armed and thick-headed.”

London Borough of Bridport

Café Bar Owner who cannot be named due to a history of service in MI6, Marconi, the SAS, Anonymous, and Pablo Escobar’s “The Extraditables”, fears for loss of trade. “The trouble with Londoners is, they don’t appreciate the smell of good Dorset urine, Lynx and stale lager whilst enjoying a cocktail thrown together by a smashed teenage barman. I’m not sure where they’re going to go to be honest. Actually I can think of one place, but I wouldn’t set foot in there if it was the last place on earth.”

A time table of closures is soon to be published, that will detail the disruption to roads during the excavation. In summary, the following routes will be closed and diverted for up to 12 months. A316, M25, M3, A3, M27, A303, A35 and A31.

Related Stories:

  • Humberside gets electricity
  • Inventor of Tube Map dies in tragically ironic incident involving 15 balls of coloured wool
  • Blue Peter launches in slot on Babestation

[Via Bridport Radio]

Cerne Abbas

cerne-abbasFor those of you not familiar with Cerne’s claim to fame; it is the home of the ‘Rude Man of Cerne‘ or simply the ‘Cerne Giant‘. Some say he is an ancient fertility god, some say it’s just field graffiti put there to prickle the prudish Puritans.

Check out the not entirely accidental positioning of Cerne Abbas on that particular configuration of underground lines.

Want a clue? Check the picture of the big man himself.

The_Cerne_Abbas_Giant

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